


nothing without love.

by porcelainsimplicity



Category: X-Men (Movies), X-Men (Movieverse), X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom, X-Men: The Last Stand (2006)
Genre: All Drakes go to Harvard, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bobby is freaked out, Bobby's a history major, F/M, Finally, Hank unsuccessfully flirts with Raven, Harvard University, John gets frustrated, John's an English major, M/M, Mentions of Boston Bruins hockey games, Oh and they're still mutants in this, Physics 101 is boring, Street Dances in the East Village, The Cambridge Queen's Head, Things need to go slow, This takes place over the course of four years but I don't think I made that very clear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-24
Updated: 2015-03-24
Packaged: 2018-03-19 11:40:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3608751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/porcelainsimplicity/pseuds/porcelainsimplicity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John Allerdyce had worked his ass off to get into Harvard.  He'd done everything he possibly could to get in, and the day he got his acceptance letter felt like the greatest day of his life.  Of course, then he had to worry about paying for it, which his pathetic foster parents were definitely not going to do.  He applied for every sort of financial aid there was with the help of his high school counselor, and when he got word that the National Merit Scholarship Program had given him a full scholarship, he almost passed out from relief.</p>
<p>Bobby Drake was destined to go to Harvard before he was even born.  Every Drake had attended Harvard since the university first opened in 1636.  He hadn't been particularly thrilled about the fact that he had this predetermined university destiny, but since Harvard was such an amazing university that wasn't that far from home, he slowly came around to the idea.  The application process was pretty much just a formality – the Drake family had been Harvard benefactors since 1705, and it was basically agreed that Drake children got into the school in exchange for more money – and soon he had his acceptance letter.</p>
            </blockquote>





	nothing without love.

**Author's Note:**

> so i'm trying to ease myself back into writing after a very long spell of not writing due to major, major illness, and this started as a drabble, then got expanded to a one-shot, then got combined with some stuff i'd written for another fandom, and somehow ended up at fifteen thousand words. so, yeah. let me know if you like it, yeah?
> 
> this is for scarlett because she is always encouraging when i say i have an idea, and she's the one who first suggested the drabble become a one-shot, and she's really the only reason this whole thing was written. <3

I am nothing without love  
I'm just these palms without a pair  
And I would take credit for this all  
But I, I am nothing without love  
Oh baby, show me a sign  
Send me a signal that everything's fine  
Come on, come one, come on right by my side  
Don't you know that I, don't you know that I  
Don't you know that I, I wanna rest in your life  
I wanna rest in your life  
I wanna rest in your life  
I wanna rest in your life  
'Cause I, I am nothing without love  
_nothing without love_ by nate ruess  


John Allerdyce had worked his ass off to get into Harvard. He'd done everything he possibly could to get in, and the day he got his acceptance letter felt like the greatest day of his life. Of course, then he had to worry about paying for it, which his pathetic foster parents were definitely not going to do. He applied for every sort of financial aid there was with the help of his high school counselor, and when he got word that the National Merit Scholarship Program had given him a full scholarship, he almost passed out from relief.

Bobby Drake was destined to go to Harvard before he was even born. Every Drake had attended Harvard since the university first opened in 1636. He hadn't been particularly thrilled about the fact that he had this predetermined university destiny, but since Harvard was such an amazing university that wasn't that far from home, he slowly came around to the idea. The application process was pretty much just a formality – the Drake family had been Harvard benefactors since 1705, and it was basically agreed that Drake children got into the school in exchange for more money – and soon he had his acceptance letter.

John stepped onto campus as an English major, fully intending on turning that degree into a career as a novelist. Bobby stepped onto campus as a History major, fully understanding that he would be going to law school after that because that's what male line Drakes did. They both headed to the dormitory that had been set aside for mutant students, because even though Harvard was an Ivy League school, they were just as wary of mutants as the rest of the country seemed to be. John was offended by this; he knew he was perfectly capable of living alongside humans without burning one of them to a crisp. Bobby just went with it; he knew that's where he was supposed to live and even though his family was ashamed of the fact that Bobby was a mutant, he was looking forward to the chance to interact with other mutants.

~*~

Physics 101 with Dr. Hank McCoy was a class that had interested both John and Bobby, mainly because it was the only class that was taught by a mutant. So even though neither of them really needed a Physics class to go along with their degree, they had signed up for it. Bobby was the first student into the lecture hall, and he took a seat in the middle of the rows. John was one of the last students to enter the lecture hall, and the only open seat he could find was next to Bobby. He slid into it, looked over at Bobby and gave him a nod, then slumped down and waited for class to begin.

A few minutes later, the doors opened and in walked two blue people, one a female with bright red hair, the other a man covered in fur. John glanced over at Bobby at the same time Bobby glanced over at him, and John smiled. “This class is going to be awesome,” John said softly. Bobby just nodded.

“Good afternoon everyone,” the man said. “I am Dr. Hank McCoy, and this is Physics 101. I will be completely honest with you from the start. This class is so far below my intelligence level that I'm bored by it. That is why my teacher's aide, Raven Darkholme, will be teaching most of this class to get her some teaching experience.”

John and Bobby shared another glance before turning their attention back to Dr. McCoy. 

“Raven, please stand up and introduce yourself to the class,” Dr. McCoy said, watching as Raven stood. “She's beautiful, isn't she?”

John had to stifle a giggle when he saw Raven roll her eyes as she stepped to the podium. “She is not impressed,” he whispered.

“No she is not,” Bobby answered, reaching for his book and turning to the page Raven had just asked them to go to. 

John sighed and pulled his book from his backpack, flipping through it to the right page. He hoped the class wasn't as boring as it apparently was to Dr. McCoy.

~*~

Physics 101 was as boring as it was to Dr. McCoy. The only interesting parts of it were when Dr. McCoy would correct something Raven had said, and do it in an obviously flirtatious manner which would then be rebuffed by Raven in a hilarious manner.

John and Bobby sat next to each other every day, passing notes during class like they were freshman in high school, not university, and they had decided two weeks into the semester that the class shouldn't be called Physics 101, but McCoy Unsuccessfully Flirts With His Teacher's Aide All Class 101. 

While they were friendly during class, that's all John and Bobby saw of each other despite the fact each of them had a growing attraction to the other. John was very comfortable with his sexuality; Bobby was not comfortable at all. But there was something about John that just put him at ease. He looked forward to seeing John every time they met for class, and he was trying to think of a way to get together with John outside of class when Dr. McCoy came in one day without Raven, stood at the podium and announced a project and the pairings.

John and Bobby had been paired together. Bobby glanced over at him and saw John had a huge grin on his face, so he allowed himself to smile widely too.

~*~

“Do you really feel like doing this project tonight?” was the first thing John said as they walked out of class.

“Not really,” Bobby said, and John looked over at him and grinned.

“Got a fake ID?”

“Of course.”

“The Cambridge Queen's Head tonight then?”

Bobby stopped walking and looked over at John, nerves coursing through him. “Sure,” he said shakily, hoping that John wouldn't notice.

If he did, John didn't say anything about it. “Meet outside the dorm at seven then?”

“Sounds great.”

John smiled and then walked in the direction of his next class. Bobby stood there for a few minutes before heading back to the dorm since his classes were done. John put it out of his mind so he could concentrate on Shakespeare. Bobby worried about it for the rest of the day.

~*~

Bobby found John standing in front of the dorm when he walked outside at quarter till seven. “You're early.”

“So are you,” John said, laughing. “Come on.”

It was a short walk to the bar, located in the basement of Memorial Hall, and John walked right up to the bar and ordered them each a beer. Bobby started to reach towards his wallet for his fake ID and his credit card, but the bartender just smiled, delivered two beers, and took John's credit card to start a tab. Bobby glanced over at John, and John just smiled. “My invite, my treat.”

John took the beers and started heading towards a place to sit, so Bobby followed him, shaking his head. “You should let me pay.”

“Why?” John yelled back over the music. “Because you're a Drake? Come on, man, I can afford some beers.”

Bobby wasn't entirely certain of that, but John did have a part time job at a coffee shop, so he stayed quiet and sat down at the table John found, smiling when a beer was slid across the table at him. “So, John, what do we do now?”

John just grinned. “Now we get drunk and fool around.”

Bobby swallowed hard. “I'm fine with the getting drunk part, but I don't know about the fooling around part.”

John suddenly got very serious. “Have I been reading the signals wrong? Because I thought you were flirting with me, and...”

“No, you read them right,” Bobby said quickly. “I've just never done this before.”

John relaxed back into his chair and breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank fuck, because you are easily the best guy I've ever tried it on.”

Bobby laughed slightly. “Because I'm a Drake?”

“No,” John said, shaking his head. “Because you're intelligent, witty, charming, and fucking amazingly hot.”

Bobby blushed and reached for his beer, swallowing some of it quickly. “Yeah, well, you're pretty hot yourself.”

John grinned. “Alright, now that we've settled that, let's get drunk.”

Bobby tipped his beer in John's direction, not having a clue what he had just gotten himself into.

By the time they stumbled out of the bar, John's arms were wrapped around Bobby's waist, and he kept kissing him at every opportunity. Bobby kissed him back, loving the feeling of it, but he knew he had to end things before they got out of his control. “John. Johnny.”

“Come on Bobby,” John slurred, pulling him into another kiss.

Bobby took a deep breath as their lips parted and then reached up and shoved John away from him. John stumbled and caught himself before he fell, then turned to Bobby with hurt in his eyes. “What the fuck, man?”

“Slow,” Bobby said. “I need this to go slow.”

John stared at him for a moment before walking back to Bobby and kissing him softly. “Slow. Okay. Slow it is.”

“Thank you,” Bobby said with relief. “Now, back to the dorm?”

John nodded and they fell into step next to each other. After a few strides, John reached out and tangled his hand with Bobby's. He glanced over at Bobby, and Bobby just smiled, so John smiled back.

~*~

It only took about a month for Bobby to be practically living out of John's room, because John had a single and Bobby had a very annoying roommate. John loved it because it meant they spent more time together. Bobby was adjusting to it, because he'd never lived with anyone but his younger brother before, and they hadn't shared a room.

John shuffled through Bobby's half of the closet, searching for something appropriate for him to wear. “Why do you own no jerseys but these black and yellow ones?”

“Because I'm a Bruins fan not a Rangers fan?” Bobby countered back, eyes following along John's naked back as a water droplet glided down the skin. “Why don't you just get dressed and let me worry about my own clothes?”

John glanced behind him and smirked at Bobby, loosening his grip a little to let the towel slide further down his hips. “See something you like, Bobby?”

“You love asking me that question, don't you?” Bobby said, laughing as John wiggled his hips a little. “And have we not already discussed how I love your body? Because I seem to recall blushing and stammering my way through that admission.”

John turned back to the closet and started searching through the clothes again, thinking long and hard before deciding he would risk the argument. “If you love it so much, why won't you touch it?”

Bobby sighed and ran his hands over his face, tilting his head back to rest against the wall. “We're going to a hockey game with friends. You really want to have this discussion right now?”

“I just don't think you realize how difficult it is for me to do nothing but kiss you.”

“And I don't think you realize how difficult it is for me to let you do that.”

John shook his head and closed Bobby's side of the closet, moving over to his own and looking through the clothes. “Bobby, I just...I want to show you how much I care about you.”

“Why does that have to involve sex?” Bobby asked. “Why can't you show me in some other way?”

“I'm trying,” John said through gritted teeth, moving the hangers with more force than was necessary. “But I can't just magically not want to have sex with you. I've wanted to fuck you since the very first day I met you.”

Bobby grabbed a pillow and clutched it to his chest, staring at John for a few moments. “So is that all this is to you then?”

John paused and glanced over at him. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“Sex,” Bobby said carefully. “Is that all this is about? Getting to...getting to be my first and then...”

“Of course it's fucking not.” John sighed and moved away from the closet, closing the distance between them and sitting down next to Bobby on his bed. “Why the fuck would you think that?”

Bobby ducked his head to keep from meeting John's gaze. “You're just always trying to...you said we'd go slow and wait until I was ready and you just...”

“I'm pushing you,” John said softly, reaching out and pulling the pillow from Bobby's arms. “Come here, baby.”

Bobby shifted closer to him and let John wrap his arms around him, resting his head on John's shoulder. “I don't think you realize how terrified I am, Johnny. Because it's a lot, and I don't know how to make it go away. All I keep thinking about is how I'm not supposed to want to have sex with you and how I'll probably burn in hell just for having these thoughts.”

“You're not going to burn in hell,” John said, running his hands along Bobby's back. “And even if you are, I'll be there with you.”

Bobby laughed a little and glanced up at John, trailing his fingers over his chest. “I know what you did in the shower. You left your towel in here and so I thought I'd bring it to you, and you were...”

“Jerking off,” John finished, sliding a hand underneath Bobby's t-shirt. “Come on, you had to have felt what you were doing to me when we were making out. I had to do something with it.”

Bobby blushed and let his fingers drop down to just above the towel, teasing the soft skin there. “You, um, you had an effect on me too.”

“But you haven't done anything about it,” John said, laughing when Bobby blushed even more. “Did you think I couldn't tell?”

Bobby coughed a little. “I was hoping that it would go away before you noticed. But then you came back in here wearing nothing but that towel and my brain has been full of thoughts ever since.”

John angled his head down and brought their lips together. “What kind of thoughts Bobby?”

“Ones where I'm not so lame and can actually act on what I want,” he mumbled, shifting closer to John. 

John moved them around until they were stretched out on the bed, climbing on top of Bobby and staring down at him. “What did you want to do?”

Bobby blinked at him rapidly before swallowing hard. “Pull the towel off of you,” he whispered, the tone of his voice letting John know he was really, really embarrassed. 

John bent down and kissed him hard before sitting back and pulling the towel off his hips, tossing it to the floor. “Then what?”

Bobby forced himself to keep his eyes on John's face, breathing suddenly quick and harsh. “Johnny, what are you doing?”

“What you want me to do,” John said, leaning back down and kissing Bobby again. “Now, what would you do next?”

“Put the towel back on!” Bobby exclaimed, blushing furiously. 

John shook his head. “No, if you want me naked, then I'm going to be naked. Now what did you want to do after that?”

“I...I...” Bobby stammered, finally letting his eyes slip down and take in the sight of John's naked body. “Touch. I wanted to touch you.”

John bent down and kissed him again, letting his tongue gently play with Bobby's. “Then touch me.”

“I can't,” Bobby whispered, squeezing his eyes shut and forcing himself to breathe. “I can't.”

“Why not?”

Bobby gasped for more air as John lowered himself onto him, his eyes quickly opening as there was a knock at the door. John glanced over at the clock and cursed under his breath, climbing off of Bobby and the bed. “Shit, that's Piotr.”

“Piotr?” Bobby exclaimed, panic in his voice. 

John turned back to the bed and pulled Bobby off of it, kissing him quickly. “Bobby, calm down. It's okay. He knows about us.”

“He what?!” Bobby was on the verge of hyperventilating. 

The knock came again and John turned towards the closet. “Just a minute!” He quickly pulled out his Rangers jersey and a pair of jeans from the closet and snatched the towel up from the floor, drying the few remaining damp spots on his skin. “Bobby, he figured it out, okay? And I can't lie to my friends when all of the sudden I'm being asked if I have a boyfriend. It's not a problem, baby. He loves you.”

Bobby sat on the edge of John's bed and watched as he dressed, an argument going on in his head trying to decide if what he was doing was right. “I can't go to the game with you.”

John paused with his arm half in the shirt's sleeve. “Excuse me?”

“I have a big paper to write,” he lied, staring at his hands. “I just remembered.”

John sighed and finished pulling the shirt on, sitting down next to Bobby and pulling him into a kiss. “First, you're a terrible liar. Second, you're going to the game. Third, there is nothing to worry about, baby. I promise you, if my friends had a problem with us, then we wouldn't be hanging out with them.” 

“He knows that I'm...” Bobby cut himself off and shook his head. “No, you're right. It shouldn't matter.”

“Is this about your father?” John asked, knowing that he'd guessed right when Bobby suddenly inhaled sharply. “Bobby, he loves you.”

“He would hate me if he knew,” Bobby whispered, pausing as the knock came again. “We should let him in.” 

John stared at him for a moment before nodding, standing up and running his hands through his hair. “We'll come back to all of this after the game, okay? But let's just put it to the side for now. And you will totally enjoy this.”

Bobby took a deep breath and smiled at him, nodding. “Right. It's hockey. What's there not to enjoy?”

John smiled back and bent down, quickly kissing him. “That's the spirit. Now if we could just get you to think that way about other things, we might actually accomplish something before the end of the semester.”

~*~

John groaned as Bobby's hands slid under his shirt, breaking their kiss just long enough to pull the offending garment out of the way before tossing it to the floor. Bobby laughed as they pressed back down to the mattress, running his fingers over the smooth plains of John's chest as John's hands roamed across his back. Their kiss deepened, tongues tangling together hard and fast, teeth nipping at each other's lips, and the voice inside Bobby's head slowly faded away, replaced with the echo of his heart thumping in his chest.

John brought a hand up to the back of Bobby's neck and held him in place, exploring his mouth with his tongue until Bobby was a shivering mess against him. Bobby pushed himself away when he needed air, his forehead coming to rest on John's shoulder as he gasped for breath. John smiled and resumed his hands' slow exploration of Bobby's back, loving the way his bare skin felt beneath his fingertips. He shifted slightly beneath Bobby, making his boyfriend shudder against him when their groins brushed together. “Bobby?”

“What?”

John ghosted a kiss along his neck. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Right now?” Bobby asked, turning his head so he could look at him.

“Well it's sort of related to what we're doing,” John said, dropping a kiss onto Bobby's lips. “Have you ever jerked yourself off?”

“What?!” Bobby exclaimed, sitting up quickly and staring down at him. “Why are you asking me that?!”

“Because the more we do this, the more I think you never have,” John stated plainly, running his hands along Bobby's arms. “I always slip into the shower after we make out and take care of things, but you never do anything like that, and well, I'm curious.”

Bobby took several deep breaths before laying back down, settling along John's side and running his fingers over his stomach. “If there's enough time for you to do it in the shower, then there's enough time for me to do it in here while you're gone.”

“I'm not asking about time constraints, I'm asking whether or not you do it,” John said, exasperation beginning to creep into his voice.

Bobby laid his head on John's shoulder and sighed. “Sometimes.”

“Really?” John asked, slinging an arm across Bobby's waist. 

“Yes,” Bobby said, his cheeks stained red from the blush that was washing over him.

John rolled Bobby onto his back and climbed on top of him. “Only sometimes?”

“What do you want, a day by day breakdown?” Bobby tried to joke, unable to meet John's gaze. “Yes, only sometimes. I don't like it.” 

John's jaw dropped. “You don't like it?”

“No,” Bobby mumbled.

“What the fuck are you thinking about when you do it?” John asked, sitting back against Bobby's knees. “I mean, I can't begin to imagine any possible situation in which I wouldn't like it. Fuck, all I've got to do is think about your mouth wrapped around my cock and I'm fucking gone.”

Bobby opened and closed his mouth a few times before bringing his hands up to cover his face. “I just don't like it, alright? It's hard to do and it doesn't feel very good, and I just...never mind.”

“No, not never mind,” John said, resting his hands just above the fly of Bobby's jeans. “What do you mean it's hard to do? What the fuck could possibly be hard about jerking yourself off?”

“Moving your hand along your...” Bobby trailed off and shook his head. “I'm not talking about this anymore.” 

John stared at him for a minute before pulling Bobby's hands off his face. “Bobby, you do use something as lube, don't you?”

Bobby blinked at him innocently. “Lube?”

“Holy shit, you're trying to do it dry?! No lotion or spit or anything?!” 

“No?”

“No wonder you don't think it feels good!” John exclaimed, shaking his head quickly. 

Bobby grabbed one of the pillows and put it over his head, groaning loudly. 

“Bobby, it's okay, really. You're still learning about this stuff.”

“It is not!” Bobby called out, his voice muffled by the pillow. 

John laughed and bent down, running his tongue along the trail of hair that disappeared into Bobby's jeans. “You know, I could show you how it feels when you do it properly.” 

Bobby pulled the pillow off his head and leaned up onto his elbows, staring at John with wide eyes. “Johnny...”

“It's just an offer,” John said, leaning forward and kissing Bobby softly. “You can tell me no.” 

Bobby blinked rapidly and then suddenly the voice in his head was back, screaming at him to run far, far away from the situation. He sighed heavily and laid back down, staring up at the ceiling. “You want to have sex.”

“Well, yes,” John said carefully. “But that's not what I'm talking about right now. I'm talking about you letting me jerk you off.”

Bobby swallowed hard. “And that's not sex?”

John took a deep breath to keep himself composed, trying not to get to excited about the fact that the discussion was moving further along than it ever had before. “It's part of sex, I guess. It's totally more foreplay than fucking though.”

Bobby started counting how many tiles made up the ceiling in an attempt to distract himself. “If I ask you to stop,” he said a few minutes later, pausing to swallow nervously. “If I ask you to stop, would you?”

“In a heartbeat,” John said honestly, running his hand comfortingly along Bobby's stomach. “I don't want to push you into something you don't want to do, baby. I just want to make you feel good.” 

Bobby considered that for a moment before putting the pillow underneath his head once more, looking up into John's eyes. “I'm scared.”

“I know.”

“But I want you to do this.” The voice inside his head let out a groan, but Bobby willed it to go away. “I...you can do it.”

John smiled at him and moved forward, kissing Bobby softly. “I'm going to make you feel so good, baby. So, so good.”

Bobby nodded shakily as John climbed off of him, gasping as he felt himself suddenly pulled further down the bed. “What the fuck?”

“I don't want to fall off the bed,” John mumbled, sliding a hand down Bobby's chest and onto his jeans. Bobby groaned loudly as John cupped him through the thick fabric, the pressure on his cock equal parts terrifying and heavenly. John smiled as Bobby's eyes slipped shut, making quick work of the button and zipper of his jeans. “Baby, lift up your hips for me.”

Bobby took a deep breath and did what John asked, gasping as he felt his jeans and briefs pulled down. “I, um...I...”

“What?” John asked, unable to tear his eyes away from Bobby's half-hard cock. “What, baby?”

Bobby swallowed hard and moved his hand towards John, smiling when he felt fingers tangle with his. “I'm nervous.”

“I know,” John said, pulling the jeans off of Bobby and tossing them across the room. “But really, there is no reason to be. No surprises. You know exactly what it is I'm going to do to you.”

Bobby laughed a little. “Yeah, but no one else has ever done that to me!”

John smiled and reached towards his bedside table, opening the drawer and searching around for the lube. “You mean you never even fooled around with a girl?”

Bobby's eyes snapped open and he looked up at John, forcing himself to take a deep breath when he saw the teasing glint in his eye. “There were a few girls, yes, but I never did anything like this with them.” 

John bent down and kissed him as his hand closed around the tube, pulling it out of the drawer as his tongue tangled lazily with Bobby's. He pulled back and began to kiss his way down Bobby's chest, smiling against his skin as Bobby writhed beneath him. He paused when he reached his navel, forcing himself back despite how desperately he wanted to keep going. “May I just remind you that we're in the dorms and these walls are paper thin?”

“Why?” Bobby asked, watching as John straddled his thighs. 

“Because I'm planning on making you scream,” John said, smirking at him, “and I want you to be ready for the looks we're probably going to get at the floor meeting tomorrow night.”

Bobby groaned. “Seriously?”

“The walk of shame, baby,” John said, flipping open the cap and pouring some of the liquid into the palm of his hand. “You ready?”

Bobby stared at him for a moment before nodding weakly, his eyes wide as they watched John's hand wrap around the base of his cock. “Shit.”

John smiled and slowly moved his hand up, using his other hand to rub Bobby's stomach encouragingly. “You are so hot, baby, you know that? So fucking hot.”

Bobby moaned as John's hand slid back down, finding it hard to catch his breath at the sight. “Johnny, oh fuck...”

“Better with a little lube, isn't it?” John asked, smiling as he felt Bobby's dick begin to fill further. “Yeah, you like this.”

Moans spilled from Bobby's lips as John's hand slowly built up speed, pausing at the head every few strokes to run his thumb over the slit. “Fuck Johnny...”

“This is the most I've ever heard you curse,” John pointed out, trying desperately to distract himself from the throbbing erection trapped in his pants and to focus on nothing but the man stretched out before him. 

“Have to get me in the – oh fuck – right situations,” Bobby gritted out, unable to keep his eyes open anymore despite how much he wanted them to be.

John shifted and bent forward, crushing his lips to Bobby's as he snapped his wrist back and forth. Bobby's arms came up around his neck, holding him there, kissing him with more passion than they'd ever experienced before. John smiled against him as Bobby began to thrust up into his grip, breaking away from his lips to trail kisses down his neck. 

Bobby gasped and clawed at John's shoulders, feeling the tension in his body ratchet up until he could barely stand it. “Fuck, fuck, Johnny, baby, fuck, oh fuck.”

John sat back and stared down at him, determined to burn the image before him into his memory. “Come for me, baby.”

“Johnny...” Bobby panted out, clutching hard at the pillow. “Shit, Johnny...”

John vaguely registered the sound of someone knocking at their door as Bobby let out the sexiest noise he'd ever heard and came, white streaks landing all over his stomach. He slowed his hand and reached for his own cock, struggling with the fabric for a moment before finally shoving his pants and briefs down and letting his dick spring out.

Bobby opened his eyes just in time to see John start to work his own cock, hand moving so fast it was almost a blur. Bobby reached out and let his fingers slide over the head of John's dick, prompting John to moan out his name and shoot his load all over Bobby's stomach. John gasped for breath as he fell forward onto Bobby, staring at his new lover for a moment before kissing him softly. 

There was another knock at the door and Bobby nearly jumped out of the bed from shock. John laughed sleepily and threw an arm across Bobby's waist. “Whoever the fuck it is, go the fuck away!”

“Keep it the fuck down then! I'm trying to study!”

~*~

Piotr leaned back in his chair and watched as John coaxed Bobby into a brief kiss, barely holding back his laughter when Bobby's cheeks flushed red and he hurried out of the library. He glanced at the tables around them as John sat back down, and as soon as John picked his pen back up, he went for the kill. “So, have you fucked him yet?”

John groaned and threw the pen back down on the table, looking over at Piotr in exasperation. “You know, I really think that you need to start fucking Kitty so that you'll stop asking me about my sex life with Bobby.”

“I have plenty of sex,” Piotr declared. “I just spent the entire weekend having nothing but sex. So shut the fuck up and answer my question.”

John laughed and reached for a book. “No wonder you didn't get your essay written then. When do I get to meet her?”

“You don't,” Piotr said, running his hands through his hair. “It's just a casual thing.”

John shook his head as he opened up the book, flipping through the pages to find the right chapter. “Then you do need to start fucking Kitty.”

“You need to answer my question,” Piotr said, sighing heavily. “Seriously, he doesn't even want to fucking kiss you. Why are you wasting your time on him?”

John stopped and smacked Piotr on the arm. “I am not wasting my time on him. He needs me to be patient and so that's what I'm being. And he kisses me all the fucking time, he just gets nervous about doing it in front of other people.”

“There's patient and then there's this snail's pace that you're apparently moving at,” Piotr said, rubbing at his arm. “Alright, so you haven't fucked him. Tell me that he at least lets you blow him.”

John shook his head. “I am not having this conversation with you.”

“Yes you are,” Piotr said, pulling the book away from John and sliding it down the table away from them. “Come on, Johnny. Why are you spending so much time on something that you aren't getting anything out of?”

“Because I'm in love with him,” John admitted quietly, standing up and walking towards the book. 

Piotr watched with a surprised look on his face, grabbing John by the elbow once he was sitting down again. “Seriously?”

“He's amazing,” John said softly, a smile on his face. “It's like, I don't remember the way things were before Bobby was part of my life, and I really don't want to think about what would happen to me if he suddenly wasn't part of my life anymore. I never had that ideal in my head, you know, that thing that I was looking for, but I don't need that to know that I found it. He's it, Piotr.”

Piotr stared at him, trying to think of what to say. “It's February! You only met him in August! That's six months!”

“I know,” John said, opening the book again. “But you can't put a timeline on these sorts of things.” 

Piotr blinked rapidly. “I could never fall in love that fast. There's no way I'd ever know that I've found that person after six months.”

“That's because you haven't met them yet,” John said, looking over at him. “You never know what will happen.”

“Have you told him all of this yet?” Piotr asked, deliberately changing the subject away from him. 

John shook his head. “I told you, he needs time. And I'll give him all the time in the world.”

“So what if he doesn't feel the same way?”

John sighed and turned back to the book. “He doesn't, not at the moment. He's too scared. But he will.”

“You sound so confident about this,” Piotr said, glancing at his laptop when it beeped and finding an instant message waiting for him.

John looked over at the laptop and bit back a laugh. “I take it that's her?”

“Shut up.”

“You two have cybersex?”

“I said shut up.”

John reached for his pen, pulling his notebook closer and turning to a new page. “I am not going to sit next to you while you have cybersex. And you shouldn't do that in the library anyway. I don't think they'd appreciate having to clean up that kind of a mess.”

“I am not having cybersex,” Piotr gritted out. “Shut up.”

John snickered when the laptop beeped again. “Better tell her that then.”

“I am, fucker,” Piotr said, typing away. “Seriously, what are you going to do if Bobby doesn't feel the way you do?”

John sighed and scribbled out a sentence. “I am not thinking about things like that.”

Piotr closed the laptop and reached towards his own book. “Maybe you should.”

“Not right now. Right now, all I'm doing is enjoying myself, Bobby, and our relationship, and trying to survive these fucking classes.” 

“Ugh, I know,” Piotr said, staring at the cover of the book. “ _Anglo-Saxon Literature: A Modern Perspective_. This shit is going to kill me.” 

John laughed. “Anglo-Saxon literature is easy if they don't make you read it in Old English.”

“I guess,” Piotr said, sighing. “Look, don't be mad at me, alright? I'm just trying to work out what's going on with you two, that's all.”

John paused his writing and looked over at him, confused. “Why would I be mad at you?”

“Because I'm just asking question after question,” Piotr said. “Personal shit, you know. And we like don't really know each other.”

John set his pen down and slung an arm around Piotr's shoulders. “We're friends, man. I would not be surviving this year without Bobby, but I wouldn't be dealing without you either. You tell me your shit, I tell you mine, and we get each other through it.”

Piotr laughed. “We sound like fucking girls right now.”

“You started it,” John said, messing up Piotr's hair before turning back to his essay. “Now get to fucking writing so we can be done with this shit in time to meet Bobby at the bar for the game.”

~*~

Bobby opened the door to their room, frowning when it smacked into something and didn't open the whole way. He pushed on it again but it didn't move, and Bobby shifted to look through the crack to see if John was in there. “Johnny?”

“Oh shit, hang on!” John called out, and Bobby leaned against the door frame, trying to figure out what exactly the horrendous noise coming from inside their room was. A girl that lived down the hall walked by and gave Bobby a strange look, but all he could do in return was shrug his shoulders. There was another loud screech and then the door was swinging open, a shirtless John appearing with a brilliant smile on his face. “You're back from class early!”

“Professor felt ill, let us all leave early so he could go home. Good thing too, 'cause I was getting a headache.” Bobby pushed his way into the room, slinging his backpack off his shoulder and tossing it towards the bed as he rubbed at his eyes. He froze when he heard the bag hit the floor instead and turned, his eyes widening when he noticed the bed wasn't there. “Johnny, where is the bed?”

“Here,” John said, motioning to the other side of the room. “I, um, did some rearranging while you were gone.”

Bobby stared at where two beds were pushed together, eyes blinking rapidly. “Where did you get a second bed?”

“It's yours from your room.”

“Are we allowed to do this?”

“Who cares?” John said, walking up behind him. “No one is going to come in here. We'll move them back when the semester is over.” 

Bobby sighed as John's arms slid around his waist. “Why?”

John smiled and pressed a kiss to Bobby's neck. “Because there is not enough room in either one of these beds alone for us to sleep in.”

“But we have been...”

“Yeah, but I woke up on the floor this morning and that's just not happening again,” John said, sliding his hands under Bobby's t-shirt. “I bought some clearance sheets at the store when I went there this morning, and they're just the right size to fit over the two mattresses.”

Bobby pulled John's hands away and turned to face him, trying to figure out how to phrase what he wanted to say. “This is about sex, isn't it?”

“You know, not everything I do has something to do with sex.” Bobby glared at him and John sighed. “Alright, fine. I just want us to have a proper bed to do stuff in, okay? Not those tiny little things that we're lucky we haven't fallen out of yet.” 

Bobby sighed and pulled away from him, staring over at the beds before walking over to where the bed used to be and sitting down. “Johnny, I don't know about this.” 

“Look, let's skip all the bullshit and just get to the point here, okay?” John said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “I want to have sex with you. You want to have sex with me. The only thing that is keeping this from happening is your fear.”

Bobby took a deep breath and started playing with the edge of his t-shirt. “You said you wouldn't push me.”

“I know, and I am trying so hard not to,” John said, staring at him. “But there's a point where you just have to jump into the deep end and go with it.”

Bobby swallowed hard. “The more we do stuff, the more scared I get.”

John pushed himself off the bed and walked across the room, sitting down next to Bobby. “Why? What's scaring you?”

“Well,” Bobby said, flushing red. “Now that I know how, um...big it, um...”

John laughed and slung an arm around Bobby's shoulders. “You can take it. Trust me on that one.”

“But it's going to hurt, isn't it? I mean...”

John shifted closer and pressed a kiss to the side of Bobby's head. “At first, yeah, it's probably going to hurt. But you'll get used to it, and then it won't hurt anymore.”

Bobby took in the information and sighed, slumping his head onto John's shoulder. “I've never felt like this about anyone before,” he whispered, pulling at the bottom of his shirt. “It scares me.”

“Me too,” John said softly, smiling when Bobby glanced over at him. “I think that's why I seem so anxious to get to the sex. At least that's a part of this that I know and am comfortable with.” 

Bobby took a deep breath as John's arm slipped down his back. “You're scared too?”

“Terrified, really,” John said, leaning his head back against the wall and sighing. “I don't think you realize just how much you mean to me.”

Bobby swallowed hard. “Maybe you should tell me.”

“I don't want to scare you even more,” John said, rubbing circles on Bobby's lower back. 

Bobby reached out and linked his hand with John's free one, squeezing it gently. “Tell me.”

John tilted his head to the side and stared at Bobby for a moment. “I'm in love with you. I mean, really, really in love with you. This isn't a feeling that's going to go away; this isn't just me wanting to fuck you. This is me thinking about spending the rest of my life with you, and knowing that is what is supposed to happen. I love you, Bobby.”

Bobby shuddered and John's hand stilled, fear coursing through his body until Bobby suddenly launched himself at him, knocking him down to the floor and kissing him hard. John groaned and brought his hands up to Bobby's hair, tangling his fingers in the short strands and trying to take control of the kiss. Bobby pulled back when John started to slide his tongue into his mouth, shaking his head. “Not until I say this.”

“Say what?”

Bobby stared down at him, chest heaving as he caught his breath, face flushed with the beginnings of arousal. “I need you to just let me talk until I tell you I'm done, okay?”

John nodded and Bobby sucked in another deep breath, laying down on top of him and resting his head on John's chest. “I had this dream the other night, about you and me. We were at this house. We were both older than we are now, maybe ten years or so, and you headed into the kitchen to start cooking dinner while I went into this other room, and I stepped on something when I walked into it. I looked down and it was this toy, some plastic thing that looks like something you see in the baby department at the toy store. And that's when I heard this little girl shriek 'Daddy!'”

John started rubbing an arm up and down Bobby's, listening quietly as Bobby took in another shuddering breath. “Daddy?”

“Daddy,” Bobby repeated, nodding against him. “This beautiful little girl ran over to me and wrapped her tiny arms around my legs. She couldn't have been more than four or five, and I picked her up, and God, Johnny, she looked so much like me it was scary. She wound her arms around my neck and let out this shriek of delight, and I looked around the room and saw another child, this one a boy much younger, playing with another toy across the room. And he had your eyes...and...it felt so right, Johnny, and so real. It scared the hell out of me.”

Bobby sniffled and sat up, leaning back against the wall and trying to blink the tears from his eyes. “That's the life I could have, I know it is. But in order to have that life, I'm going to have to give up the one I've always known, and I don't know if I can do that.”

John pushed up onto his elbows and watched as the tears began to slip down Bobby's cheeks. “Bobby...”

“They will hate me if they ever find out about this,” Bobby sobbed out, wiping at his cheeks with his shirt sleeves. “I've sat there and listened to the names that my father has called people and to the things he has said about the lifestyles of some of the people in town, and I've always thought my father was right about homosexuality. Always. Ever since I first started to realize I felt this way, I've always thought it was just some phase of curiosity that would go away as soon as I met the right girl. I never thought for a second that I'd be meeting the right boy instead. But now I've got you right in front of me and all I have to do to be happy is take that leap with you, I know that's all I've got to do. Yet I can't choose between loving you and loving my family, and I know that I'm going to have to make that choice some day. I can't do it. I just can't. But I can't have both.”

John scrambled up and pulled Bobby into his arms, letting him cry against his shoulder. “Bobby, baby, shh,” he soothed, rocking them back and forth. “Baby, it's alright, it is.”

“No it's not,” Bobby stammered out, clutching at John's side. “I have to choose between everything I've ever known and everything that I could know, and no matter what you say, you don't understand that.”

“No, I don't,” John said softly, holding Bobby close. “But I do know that no one is asking you to make that choice this afternoon.”

Bobby sniffled. “The longer I wait to make it, the more it's going to hurt.”

“But the more certain you'll be once you do,” John said, tilting Bobby's face up so he could kiss him softly. “Baby, I'll wait as long as I have to wait for you. I don't care if that's ten days or ten years from now.” 

“Really?” Bobby asked shakily, his eyes wide and vulnerable. 

“I promise,” John said, reaching up to wipe away the tears that were still trailing down Bobby's cheeks. “I know that this isn't easy for you, baby. I know I need to be patient. And I will be, I promise.” 

Bobby laughed slightly. “Except when it comes to sex.”

“I cannot help wanting you as badly as I do,” John said, a smile playing at his lips. “I mean, you're the sexiest man I've ever laid eyes on. It's natural.” 

Bobby laughed some more. “I don't think anyone has ever thought that I was sexy before.”

“Then they were blind.” John brushed their lips together and glanced over towards the newly bigger bed. “How about we go lie down? Take a nap before dinner? I'm sure that crying didn't help your headache any.”

“No, it didn't,” Bobby said, reaching up to wipe at his face with his shirt sleeves. “God, I'm so pathetic, crying like that.”

John just shook his head and helped Bobby up. “Not pathetic.”

“Completely pathetic,” Bobby said, toeing off his shoes and sitting down on the edge of the bed. “My father always said crying shows weakness.”

John sighed and undid the fly of his jeans, letting them slip to the floor before stepping out of them. “You're going to have to learn that not everything your father has ever said is right.”

“I know I do,” Bobby said, pulling his shirt over his head. “But it's difficult.”

“I know,” John said, slipping between the sheets and watching as Bobby worked his jeans off. “But you can do it.” 

Bobby sighed and laid down next to John, smiling as John pulled him close and covered them with the top sheet. “You're right, this is nice.”

“See? It wasn't a completely crazy idea.”

“It was a completely crazy idea. But a nice one.”

~*~

“So basically we'll just stay here all weekend,” Bobby said, walking into the kitchen and setting the takeout bag on the counter. “They will be back on Sunday night, and then we can go back to the dorms. Mom and Dad just want someone to be here, for some strange reason.”

Bobby leaned against the door frame, watching as John started pulling food out of the bag. “So we're alone.”

“Sounds like it.”

Bobby swallowed hard. “Completely alone. Like no one else could possibly be coming by, it's just you and me until Sunday night kind of alone.”

“Yeah. That's what you said,” John said, glancing over his shoulder at Bobby. “Why?”

Bobby pulled on his shirt sleeves and took a deep breath. “I, um...”

John set the last container of food on the counter and walked towards Bobby, wiping his hands off on his jeans. “Bobby?”

Bobby reached out when John was close enough, wrapping his arms around his neck and sighing when John's arms went around his waist. “Kitty said something to me a few weeks ago, and it got me thinking, and well...”

“Thinking about what?” John asked, confused. “Don't tell me she's gotten you all scared of something.”

“No, no,” Bobby said, shaking his head. “She was just coming back from a party and she was pretty drunk, and she...basically she asked me if I'd go back into the room and fuck you because she was in the mood to listen.”

John groaned and dropped his head onto Bobby's shoulder. “Oh God, I told you, the walls are paper thin in that fucking building.” 

“It just got me thinking that...” Bobby took another deep breath. “I don't want my first time to be with Kitty listening next door. And since we're alone...”

John's head shot up and he stared at Bobby for a few minutes, trying to read the expression on his face. “Are you saying that you...”

“I have this need that I can't explain,” Bobby said softly, playing with the back of John's hair. “And what we're doing isn't enough to satisfy it anymore.”

John brought his hands up to Bobby's face and framed it, pulling him forward into a light kiss. “You want me to make love to you?”

Bobby blinked a couple of times before nodding, a scared smile on his face. “I've wanted it for awhile now. I know that this is what I want, I know that I love you, I just...I had to work up the nerve.”

“You don't have to explain it to me,” John said, smiling back. “I just can't believe that you're saying this. I totally wasn't expecting it.”

“But it's okay, right?” Bobby asked quickly, sighing in relief when John nodded. 

“There is no possible way that this is not okay,” John said, pulling Bobby into another kiss.

Bobby smiled shyly. “I know we got the food and all, but...”

“It'll reheat,” John said, letting Bobby pull him towards the stairs. “I get the feeling that we need to do this now or you're going to get scared again.”

Bobby laughed as they made their way up the stairs. “I can't believe how well you know me sometimes. I mean, we've only known each other for almost nine months.”

“You can learn a lot about someone in nine months,” John said, as Bobby lead the way down the hallway to his bedroom. “Plus you're really easy to read.”

Bobby took a deep breath as they walked into his room, smiling as his boyfriend pulled him close. “I'm nervous.”

“I know,” John said, sliding his hands underneath Bobby's shirt and inching it upwards. “But there's nothing to be nervous about, baby.”

Bobby gasped as his shirt was suddenly pulled over his head, groaning softly as John's hands started sliding over his skin. “There's everything to be nervous about.”

John stripped himself of his own shirt and tossed it towards the closet, smiling when Bobby's hands came up to caress his chest. “I was nervous my first time too,” he whispered, leaning forward to kiss him. “But it's okay, baby, really it is.”

Bobby nodded and John's hands went to his jeans, quickly opening them and shoving them to the floor. Bobby shuddered as John walked him backwards, laughing as he was pushed down to the bed and stripped of the rest of his clothes. His hand went to his cock and slowly moved up and down it as John pulled off his own clothes. “You have stuff?”

“Small desk in the corner. Bottom drawer, towards the back.”

John opened the drawer and reached towards the back, pulling out some lube and a couple of condoms. “Nice stash.”

“Thankfully my mother doesn't go snooping through my drawers,” Bobby laughed, gasping as his fingers glided over the head of his cock. 

John looked over at him as he slammed the drawer shut, groaning when he saw the sight before him. “Fucking hell, Bobby, you look hot spread out like that.”

“Then why don't you come over here and do something about it?” Bobby said, his voice betraying his words and showing off his insecurity. 

John strode across the room and tossed the supplies onto the bed, climbing onto it and straddling Bobby's thighs. “I think that I just might have to do that,” he said teasingly, bending down to kiss Bobby hard. 

Bobby moaned and threw himself into the kiss, sighing into it as John slid his hips forward and ground their cocks together. He gasped for air once John began to trail kisses down his neck, groaning as he felt John hardening against him. “Johnny...”

“What baby?” John asked, nipping at the bottom of Bobby's neck before running his tongue along his collarbone. 

Bobby brought his hands up to John's head and tangled them in his hair. “You're going to have to do this quickly,” he breathed out, fully aware that the voice inside his head was screaming at him to stop. “We don't...I mean, I can't....”

John paused and glanced up at him, seeing the growing terror in Bobby's eyes. “I cannot begin to tell you how happy I am going to be to silence that stupid voice inside your head, my god.” Bobby laughed slightly and John sat back, reaching towards the lube. “I'm not going to go so fast that I hurt you, but if we need to skip the foreplay, then we need to skip the foreplay. We've got the rest of our lives for me to blow you.”

“Mmm, you can definitely do that later,” Bobby murmured, watching as John slicked a couple of his fingers up. “I like it when you suck me.” 

John smiled at him before diving down for another kiss, his tongue pressing hard into Bobby's mouth. “You have to relax for me, okay? The more tense you are, the more it's going to hurt.”

Bobby nodded and forced himself to take a deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut as he felt his legs spread apart and one of John's fingers begin to circle his hole. “Oh shit, that's...fuck...”

“Relax,” John said, rubbing his other hand comfortingly along Bobby's stomach. “It's just a finger.”

Bobby gasped as he felt the finger press against him, forcing himself to take another couple of breaths. “Johnny....”

“Trust me,” John said softly, dropping a kiss along the inside of Bobby's thigh. “Just relax.”

Bobby yelped as the tip of the finger slid inside him. “Fuck...”

“Relax,” John repeated again, reaching towards the lube and pouring some more around Bobby's hole. “Seriously, baby, you've got to relax.”

Bobby nodded and concentrated on getting his body to relax, gasping when John's finger slid in a little more. John trailed his hand along Bobby's thigh, murmuring out encouragement. “That's it, baby. Let me inside.”

Bobby groaned when John pulled the finger out and pushed it back in, bringing one of his hands back to his cock and slowly rubbing at it. He pushed back experimentally against the intrusion and moaned when that made John's finger slide even further into him, throwing his head back against the pillow. “It hurts,” he mumbled. “But in a good way?”

“It'll hurt a lot less if you just relax,” John said, moving his finger around and doing everything he could think of to loosen Bobby up as he searched for his prostate. His free hand steadily ran along Bobby's thigh, gently massaging the muscles there to get them to relax. 

Bobby began to get used to the feeling and felt the tension in his lower body begin to slip away, and with it, some of the pain. “It's getting better.”

“That's because you're relaxing,” John said, sliding his finger back in and crooking it a little to the left, smiling as Bobby gasped and his leg trembled beneath John's touch. “Ah, there it is.”

“What the fuck was that you just did?” Bobby said, lazily opening his eyes and looking down at John's hands. “That was amazing, whatever it was.”

John laughed and brought a second finger to Bobby's hole, slowly pressing it inside. “That is going to become your new favorite part of your body. Just wait till I'm buried inside you and I start hitting it on every stroke. Fuck, baby, you've never felt anything like it, I promise.”

Bobby tensed up again as he felt the stretch of the second finger, but this time he relaxed a lot more quickly than before, moaning out when John's fingers brushed against that place inside him again. “Shit that feels good.”

John took his free hand off of Bobby's thigh and brought it to his own cock, stroking it lightly. “Fuck, you're going to be so tight, baby. It's going to feel so good.”

“Then do it,” Bobby said, closing his eyes again and taking another deep breath. “Seriously, just do it.”

John looked up at him and frowned when he saw the slightly pained look on Bobby's face. “Are you sure?”

Bobby nodded. “It's now or never, Johnny. And we're very close to never right now.”

“Okay then.” John pulled back and tapped Bobby on his thigh. “Flip onto your stomach, baby. It's better for you the first time if I do it from behind.”

Bobby did as John asked while John reached for one of the condoms, quickly tearing open the wrapper and sliding the latex over his cock. He reached for the lube and slicked it his dick up good, watching as Bobby's legs spread again and his hole was stretched out in front of him. “Ready?”

“Yes,” Bobby said shakily, sliding his hand between his body and the mattress to grip his cock. 

John positioned himself and slowly pressed forward, running a hand along Bobby's spine as the head of his cock pressed in. He froze when he heard Bobby cry out in pain, bending down to pepper kisses along his lower back. “Relax, baby.”

“Shit, fuck, oh fuck,” Bobby gritted out, clawing at the bed and trying to ignore the pain. “Fuck.”

John rocked back and forth lightly, waiting until Bobby started to push back against him before thrusting forward more. They moved slowly together, Bobby mumbling out curse words and John murmuring encouragement, until John was fully inside him. He plastered himself along Bobby's back and coaxed Bobby into a kiss, their tongues tangling together as he began to pull back and thrust back in. 

“Ah, fuck, ah...shit...baby...” Bobby moaned out, increasing the speed of his hand on his cock as John's thrusts picked up. He let out a small scream as John changed the angle and drove straight into his prostate, dropping his head down and letting himself be overwhelmed with pleasure. “Good, so good...”

“You're amazing, Bobby, fucking perfect and tight and oh fuck...” John sucked on the base of Bobby's neck as he fucked him harder, drawing delicious moans from Bobby's lips. “You're doing so good, baby, so good.”

Bobby trembled against him. “I'm going to come,” he mumbled out, gasping as his orgasm hit him hard. 

“Fuck!” John called out as Bobby tightened around him, drawing his orgasm from him. 

They slumped down onto the bed and Bobby barely registered the way that John was carefully caressing his back, silently asking him if he was alright. All he could concentrate on was the absolute silence in his head. “I'm okay. It's just quiet.”

John stared at him for a moment before smiling, pressing a kiss to Bobby's shoulder. “I told you, sex kills the voice.” 

“It's...strange,” Bobby said, shifting around to look at John. “I'm so used to hearing it whenever I'm with you and now it's just...gone.”

John pulled back and collapsed onto the bed next to him, pulling Bobby into a kiss. “It's because you finally stopped lying to yourself,” he whispered, running a hand along Bobby's face. “You finally allowed yourself to do what you really wanted.” 

Bobby smiled and kissed John again. “Well, I definitely want to do it again.”

“You better,” John laughed. “We're going to spend like the whole weekend in bed now.”

“Oh we are?” Bobby asked, laughing back. “Can we eat dinner first?”

“Of course. We need a shower first though. We're a little sticky.”

~*~

“Bobby,” John began, exasperation clear in his voice. “We are in the East Village. We don't know any of these people. No one is going to go run off and tell your father.”

Bobby looked around the street dance and sighed heavily. “But there are people around and they're going to see.”

John threw up his hands and sat down on the sidewalk. “All they would see is a motherfucking dance! But fine, we'll do things your way and just fucking sit here and watch!”

Bobby instantly felt horrible and dropped down next to John, gently placing his hand on his lover's knee. “Johnny.”

“Don't fucking talk to me right now,” John snapped, his patience with Bobby's insecurities nearing its breaking point. “Not until you grow a pair of balls and realize this isn't the end of the fucking world.”

Bobby sighed again and took his hand off John's knee, twisting it together with his other one in his lap. He looked around at the crowd before them, eyes dancing over the people that he knew he'd never seen before and would never see again. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to calm his nerves. “I'm just not used to doing stuff like this in public, alright? If we were in our room, then I wouldn't hesitate to dance with you.”

John shook his head bitterly. “I thought I told you not to talk to me.”

“I don't want you to be mad at me.”

“Well all I want is to fucking dance with you, but what I want apparently doesn't matter!” John stood up and wiped off his jeans. “I'm going to get a drink. Don't fucking come with me.”

Bobby watched helplessly as John blended into the crowd, running his hands through his hair and pulling it in frustration. He stared at the crowd until John came back, his eyes shifting to him as he sat down. “You brought me a drink?”

“I'm not a complete asshole,” John said, handing the second cup over to Bobby. “And I'm not mad at you. I'm just frustrated. This isn't how I thought this trip was going to be.”

Bobby took a sip from the cup and smiled when the familiar taste of beer hit his tongue. “I must be the worst boyfriend ever.”

“You are not,” John protested, glancing over at him. “I understand the keeping this from your family thing because you're not ready for that, but we're talking about complete strangers here. They don't know anything about you or me or what we do together. All they'd see is a dance. And it's not like we'd be the only gay couple here. It's the fucking East Village, for fuck's sake.”

Bobby thought about that for a moment before setting his cup down on the sidewalk and standing up. “You're right. Let's dance.”

John looked up at him, seeing the steely determination on Bobby's face and smiling. “Really?”

“So long as you are okay with us ditching this party early because you know what happens when my body gets that close to yours,” Bobby mumbled, his cheeks flushed. 

John set his drink down and stood up, snagging Bobby by the wrist and pulling him towards the crowd. “Don't be embarrassed by that. Your body does that to me too.”

Bobby laughed as they made their way into the crowd, smiling when they came to a stop and John's hands gripped his hips. He slung an arm over John's shoulders and began to move his hips to the music, laughing as the beat suddenly changed to a faster one. John smiled back at him and they began to move in sync, his hands slipping down over Bobby's ass and squeezing it lightly. Slowly they inched closer, hips rotating and feet moving, until they were pressed together from chest to thigh, lips locked together in a heated kiss. Any lingering thoughts of the argument before faded away as they continued to dance, laughing and kissing and ignoring the world around them. 

It was the middle of the fifth song before Bobby's hands began to wander, the smile on John's face growing as he enjoyed the gentle exploration. “You having fun?”

“Mmm, what do you think?” Bobby murmured, tangling his fingers in John's hair. “You ready to get out of here?”

John laughed. “Already?”

“Don't give me that. I can feel you, you know. You're just as ready to take this to a bed as I am.”

John smiled and pulling Bobby into a kiss, grinding their hips together. “End of this song. Then we'll sprint back to the hotel.”

~*~

“So James went like on and on and on about all the things that are wrong with me,” Clarice said, slumping down onto Piotr's sofa. “Half of them I don't even agree with, but what if he's right? What if I am this completely neurotic moron who does nothing but push people away? What if I'm going to end up alone for the rest of my life because of it?”

“Clarice,” Piotr began, pausing when there was a knock at his door. “Hang on a second.”

Clarice kept mumbling to herself as Piotr walked the short distance to the door, opening it to find John and Bobby on the other side. “Oh, hey.”

“Did you forget?” John slung an arm around Bobby's shoulders and laughed. “I told you he'd forget.”

Piotr frowned for a moment then glanced at Bobby. “Help me out here?”

“Drinks then clubbing?”

Piotr smacked a hand to his forehead. “Shit, I did forget. Completely.”

Bobby sighed and reached into his pocket, pulling out some money and holding it in front of John's face. John laughed as he grabbed it, stuffing it into his own pocket. “Easiest money I've ever made.”

Piotr shook his head as John pushed the door open the rest of the way, brushing past him as he sauntered into the apartment. “Johnny...”

“Well, well, well. Have we interrupted something? Dear God, Piotr, this girl's practically in tears! What were you doing to her?”

Piotr pulled Bobby into the apartment and sighed, turning to flash an apologetic look towards Clarice. “I completely forgot they were supposed to come over, I'm sorry.”

“It's alright,” Clarice said quietly, tensing up a little when John sat down next to her and slung an arm around her shoulders. “Um, hi?”

“John,” he offered, pointing towards Bobby. “That's Bobby. And you look like shit.”

“It's Clarice, actually,” she tried to joke, failing miserably when she had to stop to sniffle at the end of it. “I'll just get my coat and then I'll go.”

John squeezed Clarice closer. “You don't have to leave on our account! In fact, you look like you need a drink more than the rest of us.”

“Johnny,” Bobby started but Piotr interrupted him. 

“That's a great idea, actually. You want to come with us? It'll do you good to get right back out there instead of moping around about him for a few weeks.”

John turned towards Clarice. “Bad breakup?”

Clarice nodded. “If you're sure you won't mind me tagging along...”

“No, this will be great!” John said, pulling Clarice up from the sofa and walking her towards the other two. “Now Piotr will have someone to hang out with while Bobby and I get dirty out on the dance floor.” 

Bobby rolled his eyes. “There will be no dancing of any kind if you don't shut up soon.”

John sighed as he let go of Clarice and reached for Bobby, pulling his boyfriend into a hard kiss. “You always threaten that and then I get a couple of drinks into you and you're up for anything.” 

Piotr laughed and slung his arm over Clarice's shoulders. “You sure you want to hang out with these two idiots?”

“Well if they're good enough for you...” Clarice started, breaking off into laughter. “No, you're right. This would be good for me. Especially if we go to the club where James works.”

John spun around at that. “The ex works in a club? Then fuck yes we are going to that club and showing him what he's missing! Ooh, this is going to be fun!”

Bobby laughed and pulled John back to him, looking over John's shoulder at Clarice. “Allow me to just apologize in advance for whatever it is my friend here does tonight.”

John shook his head. “Oh come on, like you would want to show me up if I just dumped your ass one day. We've got to help the girl!”

“First off, never ever talk about dumping me,” Bobby said, pressing a kiss to John's neck. “Secondly? We just met her and you are already acting like you want to defend her to the death.”

“Well if she's good enough for Piotr,” John began, stopping when Clarice burst into laughter. “Seriously though, I can't stand the thought of bad breakups. I hate seeing anyone go through them, and if I can help Clarice out, then you better fucking believe that's what I'm going to do.” 

Piotr held up his hands before Bobby could respond. “How about we all just get the fuck out of my apartment and start heading towards the bars? We're never going to get anything accomplished tonight if we don't, and besides, Johnny's right. Clarice needs to get drunk and show off in front of the ex. And I'm personally going to make sure that happens. I'll call Kitty and Jubilee on the way there, have them meet up with us. Kitty is going to love Clarice.”

~*~

“We are never going to make it to the Garden before warmups,” John complained, leaning his head onto Bobby's shoulder. “Why can't we make these two losers meet us there?”

Bobby rolled his eyes and smacked at John's arm. “Piotr is on the phone with his mother, for fuck's sake! That's far more important than warmups.”

John sighed. “Like he doesn't talk to her all the fucking time!”

Clarice looked over at the couch. “No, he doesn't. Do you not know about this?”

“Know about what?” John asked, clueless. 

Bobby brushed a kiss along John's forehead. “Piotr's parents didn't take his coming to America very well. They barely speak to him.”

“What? That motherfucker never said anything about that!” John exclaimed, sitting up as Clarice and Bobby both shushed him. “How the fuck do you two know and I don't?”

“He doesn't like to talk about it,” Clarice said softly, leaning back in her chair. “I'm surprised Bobby knows about it.”

Bobby nodded. “He's only brought it up once, when we were talking about my parents.”

“Yeah, that'll get him to bring it up,” Clarice said, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her hooded sweatshirt. “If he'd had anywhere else to go the night the first major fight of his time in America happened, I might not even know about it.”

John frowned. “I thought you two weren't roommates in the dorm.”

“We weren't,” Clarice said, shaking her head.

“So he what, he crashed in your dorm?”

Clarice sighed. “I told you, he had nowhere else to go. It's was only a floor below his, and his roommate had the sock on the door so he couldn't go into his.”

Bobby pulled John further back onto the sofa, wrapping an arm around his waist and smiling when John settled against him. “So how did you two meet anyway?”

“Playing football,” Clarice explained. “Pickup games in the courtyard. We played each other like all the time, and well, we just sort of became friends. We've known each other for years now.” 

The three of them jumped when a shoe suddenly came flying out of the hallway and into the room, smacking up against the wall before dropping down to the floor. Piotr stalked into the room a moment later, tossing the phone onto the table before picking up the shoe. “Fucking...why the fuck do they have to be like this?”

Clarice stood up quickly and wrapped her arms around Piotr's waist, holding him close. “Oh, I was hoping it was going well.”

“It was going fine until she started telling me about how she had lunch with Valentina's mother and they spent the whole fucking time talking about how the two of us should get back together,” Piotr spat out, dropping the shoe to the ground and sticking his foot into it. He bent his foot up towards his back and grabbed onto the shoe, shoving hard on the heel to get it fully onto his foot. “She still fucking talks about this like it's some bad decision that I can get out of. She doesn't understand that it was my fucking choice, it's my fucking life. I didn't ask for a family feud, dammit. I asked for a better fucking life than I could have had in Russia.”

Bobby sucked in a deep breath on the sofa and John reached towards his hand, clenching it softly as Clarice pressed her forehead to Piotr's back. “Oh Piotr...”

“Fucking forget all of this,” Piotr mumbled, reaching towards his jacket and snagging it off the back of a chair. “Let's fucking go.”

John coughed slightly. “If you're sure you want to.”

“They've fucking ruined my family, the fuck if I'm going to let them ruin things with my friends too,” Piotr said, shoving Clarice away and reaching for his keys. “Besides, we're going to miss warmups.”

John shrugged and started to climb off the sofa, stopping when he realized that Bobby wasn't moving. “Bobby?”

“I...” Bobby stopped and swallowed hard. “Oh God, I...”

Piotr sighed and walked over to the sofa, dropping to his knees in front of Bobby. “Shit, I shouldn't have said all that in front of you.”

“No, no,” Bobby managed, his eyes wide with fear. “I just...”

John wrapped an arm around Bobby's shoulders and pressed a kiss to the side of his head. “Bobby, baby, it's alright. Just breathe.” 

Bobby took in a shaky but deep breath, slumping into John's embrace. “They're going to hate me.”

Clarice's eyes widened with realization as she recognized what was going on, walking over to kneel down next to Piotr. “You know what? So what if they do?”

“Clarice!” Piotr exclaimed, but Clarice just shook her head. 

“No, I'm being serious! So what if they do? That means they aren't worth your time, just like Piotr's parents being assholes means they aren't worth his! The far more important thing is that you realize who you are and that you are comfortable with that. Fuck what anyone else thinks, whether they're your parents or not.”

John blinked a few times as Bobby stared at Clarice open-mouthed. “Clarice...”

“She's right,” Bobby mumbled, taking a deep breath and shaking his head lightly. “No, don't get mad at her because she's right.” 

Piotr took his hand off Bobby's knee and slung his arm around Clarice's shoulders. “I know she is. But I also know how hard it is to admit that.”

Clarice rolled her eyes. “Oh come on, it's fucking logic. Is that too much for you?”

“At least I'm not going to school to learn how to lie to people for a living, law major.”

Clarice burst out laughing. “Way to be delusional, English major.”

Bobby laughed and the tension in the air dissipated. “Alright, alright, enough of the insults. Now we really have to leave or we're going to miss the warmups.”

“I thought you didn't care about the warmups,” John said, pulling Bobby up as Clarice and Piotr stood. 

“I don't,” Bobby said, pulling John into a kiss. “But I know how much you do and I don't want you to miss them.”

~*~

Piotr leaned against the doorway and watched as John browsed his DVD collection. “Why aren't you with Bobby? This is a big night, I thought for sure that you two would be out celebrating.”

“Yeah, it's a big night, alright, but it's also graduation,” John said, pulling one out from the shelf and looking it over before putting it back. “That means his whole family is in town, and well, he hasn't told them yet.”

“So you're still persona non grata around them.”

“Well no, they know who I am and stuff,” John said, pulling out another DVD. “They just don't know that I'm Bobby's boyfriend.”

Piotr pushed off the wall and walked into the room, sitting down on his sofa. “Johnny, this is the biggest night of his life and you're not a part of it. Doesn't that tell you something?”

“It tells me that he's not ready to tell his parents about us,” John replied. “And I already promised I wouldn't push him this weekend because I don't want to ruin this really important milestone for his family. He deserves all the love and attention he's getting from them right now because he's worked really hard for that degree.”

Piotr sighed and ran his hands through his hair. “Johnny...”

“I didn't have a clue what to buy him for a gift. I mean, what do you buy a historian, exactly? So I went and bought him this fancy watch. He's always trying to figure out what time it is, and so I thought he could use one, you know? I hope he likes it.”

Piotr blinked. “That watch you bought the other day was for him?”

“Yeah,” John said, grabbing _The Fellowship of the Ring_ and heading towards the DVD player. “Didn't I tell you that? And we're having a Tolkien marathon, by the way.”

“No, you're having a Tolkien marathon. I have a study date with Kitty.”

John looked over his shoulder and smiled at him. “Man, this is so great, you having someone now. You're so much happier and more focused than you were before. Kitty has been good for you.” 

“I wasn't happy and focused before?” Piotr asked, shaking his head quickly. “Wait, you're trying to change the subject and that's not happening. John, you need to start thinking more clearly about you and Bobby.”

John rolled his eyes and turned back to the DVD player. “What exactly am I not thinking clearly about?”

“Um, how about everything?” Piotr asked sarcastically. “Seriously, Johnny, can't you see that it's a major problem that he hasn't told his parents yet?”

John pulled the DVD from the case and put it in the player, grabbing the remote and heading towards the sofa. “Look, I would love for him to tell them at dinner tonight, alright? But I also know that's not realistic. He doesn't want to ruin this weekend for them, or for himself, and I don't really blame him for that.”

“So what is he going to do when they start talking about him coming back to law school?” Piotr asked, pulling the remote from John's hands and pressing the right buttons to start the DVD. “Because I know he hasn't told them he's moving to New York yet.”

John sighed. “Who told you that?”

“He did.”

John drummed his fingers against his thigh. “He's going to tell them that he's got a job in New York.”

“Johnny.”

“Alright, so maybe I don't know what the fuck it is he's going to tell them!” John exclaimed. “Maybe I just know what I want him to tell them!”

Piotr paused the movie over the opening prologue and slung an arm around John's shoulders. “Haven't you two talked about this?”

“Every time I try to bring it up, it turns into an argument,” John said softly. “He's been so stressed out about his family and finals before that and just everything, so I've sort of just let it go. He'll tell them whatever it is he tells them and in the end it won't matter because I know he's going with me.”

“Johnny,” Piotr said carefully, “what if he doesn't?”

John's head snapped up and he glared at Piotr. “Don't even fucking say that. He's going with me.”

“I just don't think he's acting like someone who's planning on coming out to his parents any time soon,” Piotr said quickly. “I'm worried. Kitty's worried. We don't want to see you two hurt.”

John shrugged off Piotr's arm and stood up. “You don't have a fucking clue what you're talking about, so just do yourself a favor and shut the fuck up. I'm not staying here and listening to this.”

“Johnny,” Piotr called out, watching helplessly as John stalked out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. He slumped back against the sofa until he heard the door open again, looking over to see Kitty peeking her head inside. “Hey baby.”

“Hi,” Kitty said, walking into the apartment and closing the door behind herself. “What's Allerdyce so upset about?”

“I tried to talk to him about Bobby,” Piotr said, reaching out when Kitty was close enough and snagging her by the wrist, pulling her down into his lap. “It didn't go very well.”

Kitty sighed and rested her head on Piotr's shoulder, smiling as her lover's arms slipped around her. “I'm really glad that we're not in that situation.”

“Me too,” Piotr said softly, turning his face towards Kitty's and kissing her. “My family wants to meet you.”

“Oh yeah? Well I guess we'll have to go to Russia so I can meet them, then.”

“Sometime after graduation is over,” Piotr said, a smile crossing his face. “Now, do you want to actually study, or should I turn this movie back on and we can make out?”

Kitty laughed. “I was thinking more along the lines of forgetting the movie and going into your bedroom.”

“A nice, peaceful evening in bed,” Piotr said. “I like the sound of that.” 

He pushed the buttons that made the DVD player stop and turn off before reaching for the television remote and turning it off as well. Kitty squealed as Piotr suddenly lifted her and stood up, clinging onto Piotr's neck as they walked towards the bedroom. 

“I never said carry me to the bedroom! Put me down before you hurt yourself!”

~*~

John was lying alone in the dark when the door to the apartment opened, Bobby slipping inside. He turned on the lights and found John on the floor of the living room, and he swallowed hard. “Johnny?”

“Be honest with me,” John said seriously. “Are you ever going to tell them about me? And New York? And all of our plans?”

Bobby walked into the living room, undoing his tie before laying down next to John and linking their fingers together. “Yes, I am.”

“When?” John asked. “Because you're running out of time.”

“I know,” Bobby said, taking a deep breath. “That's why I told them tonight.”

John turned his head to look at Bobby. “What?”

“My father asked if I had filled out my application to law school yet. I told him no, I hadn't, because I had gotten a job in New York City. He wasn't very happy, but my mother, who really would like to never see me again since I'm one of those disgusting mutants, inquired more about the job. So I started talking about it, and I mentioned that we'd already found a place to live,” Bobby paused to take another deep breath.

“My father interrupted and asked about my girlfriend. And I corrected him and said I had a boyfriend, one that I loved very much. Everyone was very quiet for a few minutes, and then Ronny said your name, and I said yes, my boyfriend was you. At that point, my father waved the waiter over, asked for the check, and that was the end of it. I was told that I could come get my stuff from the house, but that I was not allowed to bring you along with me, and that I would be given access to my inheritance from my grandparents. And then I was asked to never come home again.”

John reached over to wipe away the tears that were streaming down Bobby's face. “Bobby.”

“I told you a long time ago that I was going to have to choose between the life I've always known and the life that we could have together. I made my decision. And it was surprisingly easier than I anticipated it would be. I want you, Johnny. Only you.” 

Bobby shifted around so he was curled up along John's side, and John put his arm around him. “Do you regret it?”

“Not in the slightest,” Bobby said, angling his head up to kiss John softly. “I love you, Johnny.”

“I love you too, baby,” John said, a huge smile spreading across his face. “I'm so happy right now.”

Bobby grinned at him. “Me too.”

~*~

John went back to New York City with a Bachelors Degree in English from Harvard, and despite how much he wanted to go shove it in his pathetic foster parents' faces, he didn't. Instead he had it framed, and hung it up on the wall of the apartment in Williamsburg, Brooklyn where they were going to live.

Bobby moved to New York City with a Bachelors Degree in History from Harvard and a job lined up at the New York Genealogical and Biographical Society where he would be researching the histories of New Yorkers going all the way back to the 1600s. He too had his degree framed, and it was hung up right beside John's on the wall of their apartment.

John bought himself a new laptop, got a job in a vintage shop, and got to work on polishing up the book that he'd written throughout the course of his university life. Bobby started his new job and immediately found himself engaged and fascinated by what he was doing, coming home every day with a smile on his face. 

John sent the novel to a local literary agent Erik Lehnsherr when he felt it was ready. Lehnsherr read it, loved it, and signed John immediately. Soon the book was being shopped around to publishers, and John found himself flooded with offers to publish it. Working with Lehnsherr, he picked the right publisher for him, and found himself astounded by how well received the book was. He thought it might sell a couple of thousand copies, make him a little money, and he'd work on finishing the second book that he'd already started. Instead, it sold 670,000 copies on the first day of release, made it to number one on the New York Times' Best Seller list, and John was soon on a book tour across the United States, signing thousands of books for adoring fans. He called Bobby every night and told him he felt like he was living in a dream. Bobby just laughed and told him that's because he was.

Bobby found an individual in his research at the Society that fascinated him, and was given permission to investigate him further. What he turned up was an amazing tale of sacrifice, love, family, and most surprisingly, mutants. Once his research was complete, he compiled it all into a book and the book was published by the Society. He was just as proud of his book as he was of John's, even though he knew that he'd never get the response to it that John's novel was getting. But Bobby was surprised when he was contacted by Dr. Charles Xavier, the world's preeminent geneticist that specialized in mutations, and Xavier offered to hire him away from the Society so that he could further explore his research into the early mutants of the world. Bobby talked it through with John before excepting the offer. His discovery of mutants all the way back in the 1500s in England furthered Xavier's research into how long mutants had been evolving.

At a dinner one night, Bobby had invited Xavier and John had invited Lehnsherr to celebrate everyone's achievements. Neither of them knew that Xavier and Lehnsherr already knew each other, nor that they were as intimately involved and committed to each other as they were. Dinners with each other became commonplace, and sometimes they were joined by Xavier and Lehnsherr's children. The more that Bobby and John were around the Xavier-Lehnsherr children, the more they realized they wanted their own. Despite Bobby's dream from years ago of children that looked like them, they decided to look into adoption instead of surrogacy. John's experiences in the foster care system were influential in them deciding to adopt older children instead of babies, because as John always said, it was the older children that ended up in the foster care system. Everyone always wanted to adopt a baby.

They ended up with a ten-year-old boy and a thirteen-year-old girl, and would continue to adopt older children, particularly mutant children, as the years progressed. Every event in their lives brought them closer and closer, locked together as a partnership and a team that could not be separated, despite Xavier's constant reminder that they were technically polar opposites.

Their answer was simple. Sometimes fire and ice go together perfectly.


End file.
